i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
