Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
