I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
