16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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