I wanna passion pit in your ass
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
