i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize