You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
