We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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