so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
