Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
