Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
