I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
