did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
