Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
