i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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