Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
They have beer where we have blood.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
