You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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