I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
