i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
