xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Randomize
