Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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