i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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