im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
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