do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
