i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
