Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
