We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
