I murdered the dance floor call the cops
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
