insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
