dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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