Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
