OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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