Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
