He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Boobs speak an international language.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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