3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
bring money and cleavage
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
