The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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