Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
