Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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