I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
