It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
