Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
