Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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