I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
