you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
