Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize