I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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