I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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