just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
