She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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