do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
