I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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