have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
