well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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