sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
