If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
