it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
