walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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