Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
