She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
