Got a toothbrush?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
