Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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