If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
