I'm lost and stupid without you.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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