dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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