I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
