I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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