Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
