Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
