Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize