call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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