He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
