I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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