Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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