So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
