your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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